The road back to sanity, to a healthier life, to a life lived in colour, filled with joy and passion started this past May 17th.

The previous 18 months had been filled with darkness, had passed by in a joyless, cold blur. Bitterness, anger and spite ruled the day. Doubt, hopelessness and despair filled my nights. Triggered by a painful marriage breakdown, fueled by a bitter custody battle and overwhelmed by the guilt of what this was doing to three innocent and glorious children, I sank into a pattern of behaviour almost as destructive as the demons I was running from.

The turning point arrived via waves of excruciating pain racking my left side, my neck and my chest. Part of me welcomed what I knew was happening. Relieved that it appeared this hopeless ordeal I called my life might just be coming to an end.

But part of me was saddened. Saddened not by what appeared to be my imminent demise, but rather by thoughts of my children. Brought to tears in the ER by the loss they would endure of the father I once was and the father I knew I could be. But they'd already "lost" that father over the previous year.

For all intents and purposes, I raised the white flag that morning.

But something strange happened during that stroll towards the bright light. I came face to face with the grim reaper and concluded that perhaps, just perhaps, there might be reason to carry on.

So, carry on I did. Seven months later and I'm 50 lbs lighter, running 4 km almost daily, eating healthy and smartly and haven't touched a drop of alcohol. These physical changes have been contagious to other aspects of my life. The last of my court battles with my ex have been settled. Financially and professionally things have improved to their best point in my life and emotionally I find myself re-awakening.

Colour and joy have returned. Doubt and despair have beaten a hasty retreat. My days are filled with hopefulness and with unlimited possibility. Shit still happens, as it invariably always will, but instead of fuelling bitterness, dealing with it in a quick and effective manner serves as further confirmation that life ain't half-bad.

It was around three months ago, after getting through the initial phase of getting physically back on track, that I started to re-emerge from my emotional fog. Suddenly this voice, this passionate spirit appeared. Calling to me, speaking to me through song and music. Touching me in ways I'd almost completely forgotten of. Speaking of the despair, the pain, the struggle that life invariably serves up. But also speaking of passion, of hope, of joy, of "Day One".

Of course I'm referring to my "discovery" of Sarah via her CBC interview with Alan Neal on October 1st.

It should surprise no one reading this that music can touch, can inspire, can speak to one's innermost thoughts and emotions. And it surprises even less that Sarah can be the source of this. But my "ability" to be touched, to be inspired, to simply "feel" what music is designed to provide was damaged. Damaged beyond repair, or so I thought.

What Sarah's music, her spirit, her message has done for me is difficult to express. There are times it feels like she's helped produce a bit of a miracle in my life. At the very least she's helped me take an important step on that long road we call healing. Saying I'm a "fan" seems like such a ridiculous understatement. Her music will always carry a very special meaning for me.

Which brings me to this group, this board, this "community", as I fondly refer to it. And a community it is. Filled with delightful, thoughtful, kind and caring people. Passionate, talented, bright and filled with life and joy. Being part of this community helps in its own little way to feed that "joyful revolution" currently underway in my life.

I want to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt thanks to all on the board that contribute to making this community what it is and for allowing me to participate and to share.

May 17, 2004 was my personal "Day One", today marks my 500th post. I look forward to the next 500 with wide eyes and excitement in my heart.


...jim

I don't really know you, but I guess it's nice to see that you're back on track.

*sheds a single tear*

That was beautiful Jim. Thank you for sharing that with us.

life is beautiful isn't it?

for all the awe we can ever have by something like the miracle of water or of trees... how much more amazing are we humans?

~ng

You are so awesome, you know that?

Thank you for sharing this, it was really touching.

Sigh. Wow. Awe. Music -- it's beautiful. Thanks for sharing... I think we all have our own "Day One" stories, because of Sarah. Thanks for being filled with enough courage to share. Don't give up the thought that the world is deliriously beautiful.

Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know I've used the term Day One in a quite a few non-Sarah related things. It's great that we have a place to talk with fellow fans. I've been on other message boards and they're just not nice places to be...some people have nothing better to do than be mean.

[quote:a6d244194a="BoyWonder"] I've been on other message boards and they're just not nice places to be...some people have nothing better to do than be mean.[/quote:a6d244194a]

That's so true. Almost every other message board I've been on has more posts of in-fighting and bitching and some downright hateful stuff.

This is the most positive, happy, message board I've ever been on. You all rock.

I have to agree 100%. This has to be one of the most mature, insightful, joyous, warm and welcoming boards I have ever seen. I like to think any Sarah fan could be nothing less! Us Passioneers will change the world. You guys are all great!

hooray for the passioneers!

thank you so much for sharing that with us, i guess we all hit hard times, and sometimes help comes from unexpected places.
here's to another great year of music!

cheers!


[quote:e6b0065ee0]rage my darlin rage...[/quote:e6b0065ee0]

Thanks for all the kind words guys.

Your responses are proof of how very positive and welcoming this board is


...jim