Ok, folks.

Imagine someone you know is in pain.
A lot pain.
Their depression has reached such depths as to require hospitalization.

Now, you know you are the only individual in that person's circle who possesses a bit of information you consider essential to, and probably causative of, their crisis. This is information the patient would not reveal if their life depended on it.

Is it right to step forward and talk to their doctors?
Would speaking out make things any better, you reckon?

:?



*******

[size=9:679ecba668]Feel free to post your own dilemmas here...[/size:679ecba668]

in my opinion...

someone needs to talk to the doctor, if for no other reason than to clear their conscience. Especially, if the person feels they might be personal responsible for the grief the "patient" is going through.

Once you tell a qualified individual, it is no longer your burden of guilt to bear about the situation.

It certainly can't hurt anything... and my hunch is, it'll do a lot of good.


~nicole g

Depends on what that information is. If the information is, say, that something traumatic happened in their life, or that they have a deep dark secret they're terrified to reveal which is causing their anguish, then chances are that will help. Normally one would be as confidential as possibly (so as to keep the trust of said friend), but if this person has been hospitalized I think disclosure is necessary at such a time. Be cautious of who you reveal the information to and make sure that you trust that person and ask them to keep the information as confidential as possible.

The problem here is, when this person does recover, if s/he discovers you revealed his/her secret s/he may not trust you again, or may even disown you as a friend, depending on how serious the issue is, and whether or not they realize the value of your disclosure. If this is someone you truly care about and you believe the information is crucial to their survival, you have to be willing to risk the friendship. S/he will realize in time that you mean the best, and if not you will at least have the comfort that you helped someone you care deeply about survive a very difficult and traumatic time in their life.

The best advice though: trust your gut. You probably already have a decision in mind and subconsciously are just looking for validation (which, in my opinion, is legitimate). Do what you think is best -- only you can make this decision. Good luck making it.

imo...

life is more important than friendship. if you care about the person... yeah it would suck to lose them as a friend, but ultimately you want to see them get better.

~ng

hopefully if you do decide to inform a professional, your friend will realize your good intentions and see that you were looking out for his/her best interests.

Risk the friendship, do the best for their well being.
I understand how sometimes your placed in a position were you must bite your toung. Here it seems that the reasonable thing to do was to imform a doctor, let them make the call.

From what I can make out of the puzzle, it seems like the right course of action. All the best to you and your friend.

Cameron

I would not betray your friend's confidence unbeknownst to him or her. What I [i:0bd30e55be]would[/i:0bd30e55be] do is tell the person "Your doctor really needs this information and it should come from you. I respect your privacy, but not enough to let it get in the way of your treatment. So if you don't tell your doctor, I'm going to have to."

It's very likely that that will cause your friend to be extremely angry, but he/she will be angry the other way as well and perhaps even more so because a confidence has been breached. In the end though, saving your friend is paramount. Other people would obviously handle it differently; you need to make your decision based on your knowledge of your friend, his/her condition, and the urgency of the situation.

Thanks, folks.

It's not a friend; it's my mother.

I have demanded her that she tell those issues to her doctors, but she has refused point blank.

That was before.

Now she's... just not there. To put it mildly. So I feel that it is my duty to come forward and help her regain her sanity. But yeah, it is sort of a dirty secret she does not want revealed.

I'm very confused.

And now I am in excruciating pain myself, and need surgery (Wisdom Tooth).

My life is falling apart, in more ways than those.

Sorry about the whine-trip.

I am usually not a "virtual hugger" but you get one from me.

take good care of yourself!

~nicole g

[quote:210c30bc2a="PolythenePam"]
My life is falling apart, in more ways than those.

Sorry about the whine-trip.

[/quote:210c30bc2a]

I hear ya PP.

My company just laid off about 1/4 of its staff this past monday, including, unfortunately, me. :cry:

I'm throwing a whine-party, you're welcome to join me.

...jim

Yay! Pity party at Jim's place!


Seriously though, sorry to hear it Jim.... and good luck PP. I'm sure you'll make it through.

I'm sorry to hear that, Jim.

:hug:

thoughts and prayers go out to PP and Jim.

as an indivivual who's going through it(nasty depression...BAD deession....go away!shoo!)as well as having dealt with people sufferingfrom depression, anxiety, bi-polar, i had a good idea already of what they were going through, but to say that i knew or understood what they were going through was an innacuracy, and i never said those words to them.

then as strong willed and stubborn as i am, ironically, i too succumbed to this illness. now i could understand what these people were going through. sucks. siren to me anyways has the right of it, if the person won't tell all the details of what's on their minds, then they're not ready to speak of it, and to inform the psychiatrist, doctor etc etc would be the wrong thing to do.


the person suffering from depression may decide that you betrayed them and that is not something they need at that time. just patience, understanding and time is all. when they're ready to speak...they will. for now, support them,love them, and as my favorite bugs bunny line states....hug them and squeeze them and call them george.

adieu

Yes, but in order for you to understand how bad she is, I have to disclose some more details.

She has lost nearly all sense of reality. She's showing all the symptoms of Capgras syndrome (she thinks none of us is the actual 'us' but impostors), and her state of paranoia has led her to refuse to eat, thinking someone's trying to poison her food, even when my father is opening each ingredient to make the food in front of her.

Her voice has changed; she's no longer capable of speaking in a calm voice, she's always breathing heavily and weeping constantly.

How much longer can she go on like this?

I feel like I'm going to lose her. I really do.

My heart goes out to you Pam.

...jim

aye chichuahuas! i didn't realize to what extent the illness was, and please believe i never meant to pry. often times there are facilties that can accomodate patients with mental ilnesses, not the good old fashion loony bins, i'm talking about a semi-open facilty where psychologists and/or psychiatrists and nurses can provide support by properly assessing/ diagnosing, finding proper medication that actually will work at at least helping control the worst effects of the illness.

i'm not opening the confessional here, but i was in one for 4 1/2 months some yrs back and it helped....a bit. i have no support here. no family aor friends to help me deal with it. long story there i won't get into. your mother is is in good hands as she seems to have the support of a loving caring family....and that's always a GOOD thing. perhaps in your case, it might be best to set up that dr's appt. after all.

just mind i'm certainly no epxert in the field, just my 2 cents worth based on personal experience. i always say, school teaches knowledge, but only life can teach...well...about life....that was very bad prose sowwy. and never forget to hug her, and squeeze her and call her george while she's going through it. it's the best you can do. hope this made sense, i lose focuse when i type more than 4 lines at a time...makes it a royal pain to write limericks :wink:

i hope things work out
fare thee well

As far as I knew Capgras only occurs after a trauma to the head?

have you seen/heard the work of dr ramachandran? He has done some work in that area.

I really wish you the best in this case.

~ng

PP, all my prayers go out to you... I think I know what you're going through, and its the most awful thing in the world... you almost wish that whatever she is going through could be transferred to you, and I know that all you feel is the absolute worst helplessness...

* sigh * my mother is going through a depression also. Maybe not as serious, but her and my dad are going through some insanely rough times after 25 perfect years of marriage, and her world is crumbling around her. She has taken to some crazy things (which I don't think anyone wants to hear about), and sometimes I wonder what the heck she's thinking... and I worry about her more than I can imagine. All I want is for her to remember something of her past, when she was somewhat happier, and hope that she'll fight for that again - but i'm always wondering.

All I can say is that you sound strong, and that she needs you desperately to stay strong. Tell the doctor if you think it'll help, but she'll probably reject any sort of help right now. She probably thinks that nothing's wrong with her, and that its the whole world thats turned on her, and I know what thats like. Make sure that she knows that she's loved, and try to make sure that any sign of the "old" her is acknowledged and celebrated. When she's ready for help, she'll seek it. I think what she needs is some sort of stability... But then I don't really know, and none of us really do.

Be strong, and I hope that you both find peace.

*many many hugs*

rob

Ah, my dears, thank you all!

I just want to say - I'm going through very, very hard times, in other aspects as well, and I don't mean to pop in here just to vent. I know that's what it looks like, but it isn't really.

Little Prince... *hugs* Sounds a lot like my mom a few months ago... I hope she bounces back soon. Argh, why is life so hard!

Sir G : *kisses cheek*

My mom has been put on new and very strong medication and seems to be responding well, so we've put the hospitalization on hold for a bit. I don't want to get my hopes up, 'cause her condition may worsen any time, but at least she's been eating, and she sounds calmer on the phone (she doesn't live here)...

Thank you all for your wonderful words.

Isn't it amazing how despite each one of us having our own full plates, we take the time to comfort someone else? Sorta renews my faith in humankind.

*group hug* <--- how clich� and sappy!

*leaves*