im a poet that was really got writing some serious poetry when I started lisitneing to sarah slean. I try very hard with my work but I figured I would post it here and see what you guys would think. heres one of my first poems that I wrote(I wrote in in a day about a week ago) please give me your HONEST review. thanky ou hope you guys like it

im trying to add guitar to it
Aussie Girl
Once there was an Aussie girl
shes live off in a far away land
where castles float in the sky
and rivers flow weaving far and wide
strong as the biggest diamond
yet soft and gental like the egg shells from a hatching bird
One could only wish to feel her touch
gental as if hiding under your grandmothers quilt
with pictures and presents dangiling off them
with a shining face that could turn the biggest frown
into a gental babies face
A smile that made the night into day
and a heart that make the poor feel warm again
A boy lived between Jupitar and Mars
coming to earth in search of love and friends
labeled an emo boy
with brown hair,
blue eyes
and a kiss that could revive the dead
she was looking for a companion
that would love her until the clock stuck 12
and the dream would turn back into nothing
crying at night,
often a river of tears
destorying forests and injuring deer
she would stroke the stars
wondering where is my love
suddenly a flash graced the sky
landing in her yard
out popped a little boy with a shattered heart
in peices it was
what a shame
it really was
curious and out of breath
she whispered in his ear
"who might thee be"
he replied with a handful of glee
"I am a little boy that wishs to be a man, but no one loves me "
hopeful and hopeless
they became friends that night
the moon pushed them together
they kissed
the crimsion love in her soul
jumped ship
flew through his body
just like 50 doves carrying the roses of the blessed
it gave him the medicine his heart needed
one by one each peice sewed back together
with the thread made from angels wings
two childern that found one another
thrown out by there parents,relatives,teachers and the moving men
searching for each other
wanting to put a peroid at the end
when that aussie girl would cry
he would catch her tears
but who said there were tears to be shed
frowns turned upside down
both rejoiced
with the moon and the sun
up in the beautiful
universe....