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Hey everyone - I had a creative night... wrote down a bunch of lyrics. Now here's the thing, I always write, then read them after and think they're stupid and delete them. And to be honest, I don't have anyone I can show these to and get honest critique. So for your consideration, I'm attaching three songs that I wrote last night. Please give me honest critique -if you don't like them, [i:ae31422cf1]please[/i:ae31422cf1] say so.

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[b:ae31422cf1] Destination[/b:ae31422cf1]

Snow in my hair
Vomit on the road
It�s 5 am
And nobody goes
Down the street where I�m walking
At this time of morning
Abandoned gas stations
And snowplows give warning

And the ice plays tricks on your mind
When you think you�re being followed but really you find
That it�s just a batty old lady
Or an old shopping cart
When you reach your destination
How will you start

A broken snowman
A crumbling fort
I walked the grueling distance
From south to north and the
Man at the corner
fixes me with a glare
there�s no one here to see
and there�s no one to care

And the ice plays tricks on your mind
When you think you�re being followed but really you find
That it�s a leering old man
Who�d like to grab for your cash
If you reach your destination
You�d better do it fast

An empty sidewalk
A hospital wing
To gain my courage
I�ll soon start to sing, �bout the
Times that I'm brave
But it�s small consolation and it�s
Time to go home
For some head restoration

And the ice plays tricks on your mind
When you think you�re being followed but really you find
That it�s just your own shadow
Or your demons within
When you reach your destination
Who�ll let you in?

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[b:ae31422cf1]Dr. Hippocrates[/b:ae31422cf1]

She comes at midnight and she�s bringing a ghost
She says �I�m sorry, I�m late, and you�re my only hope-
You see, I find myself at the end of my rope�
I say I�m sorry but I think you�re mistaken

She said �I went for a swim in a bottle of gin
So when he asked me to come, well I was already in
I need your help to put the pieces back together again�
I ask her why she spent so very long waiting

She pleads: �Dr. Hippocrates-
Take away the poison that�s been building in me
Take away the pain that I feel
Fix me, baby, and I�ll show you what�s real

She says �I�m drowning in blood and in bile
And I hate the way you look when I can�t see your smile
Fifteen months I�ve walked a crooked mile�
I say I don�t know what I can do here

She looks at me with those pleading eyes
She says �I would have come sooner but I tried to disguise�
She says �I�m so very sorry, that I�ve been unwise�
I say that I�m fresh out of good humour

She pleads: �Dr. Hippocrates-
Take away the poison that�s been building in me
Take away the pain that I feel
Fix me, baby, and I�ll show you what�s real

[i:ae31422cf1](instrumental one verse)[/i:ae31422cf1]

She says: �I know those eyes and I know that face
I know because I�m in the exact same place.
To err is a trademark of the human race
Throw down your weapons, surrender��

I tell her: �I�m no Hippocrates
The word you�re looking for is hypocrisy
I can�t take away the pain that you�ve felt
How can I fix you when I�m broken myself?�

"No, I�m no Hippocrates
The word you�re looking for is hypocrisy
I can�t take away the pain that you�ve felt
How can I fix you when I�m broken myself?�

She comes at midnight and she�s bringing a ghost
She says �I�m sorry, I�m late, and you�re my only hope-
You see, I find myself at the end of my rope�
I say I�m sorry but I think you�re mistaken

-------------------------------------

[b:ae31422cf1]Fly on the Wall[/b:ae31422cf1]

It started with a kiss
On her soft, sweet lips
A drunken little tryst
Wrapped in energy and bliss
And moving from there now
His hand�s in her hair now
They�re gasping for air now
Oh what a pair

Oh to be
A fly on that wall
To sit there in silence
To take in it all
I wish I�d been there
I wish I had seen
Was it amazing
As you thought it would be?

Tear off the covers
And tear off the clothes
Two naked lovers
In an age old pose
Connected at the lips
His hand below her hips
She�s losing her grip
And she delightfully slips

Oh to be
A fly on that wall
To sit there in silence
To take in it all
I wish I�d been there
I wish I had seen
Was it amazing
As you thought it would be?

Catching their breath
Their sheets soaked with sweat
Did she light a cigarette
Did he kiss her soft neck
And did she get up to go
Or could she never say no
I�d ask it although
I don�t really want to know

Oh to be
A fly on that wall
To sit there in silence
To take in it all
I wish I�d been there
I wish I had seen
Was it amazing
As you thought it would be?

Regarding she
Did she speak of another
Did he know about me
Her actual lover
Did she tell him my name
Before or after she came
What was her aim
I�m not playing this game

Oh to be
A fly on that wall
To sit there in silence
To take in it all
I wish I�d been there
To see with my eyes
It�s better than hiding
It�s better than lies

Oh if only I was
A fly on that wall
To sit there in silence
To take in it all
Then I�d have known sooner
That truth can be cruel
But I�d know that it happened
And I wouldn�t have been played for a fool
 
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I love the first one and I'm really interested to hear what these sounds like with music.


"I don't need you to buy me dinner. I just need you to love me."
 
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i like them! except FLY ON THE WALL reminds me of that Clay Aiken song :? but apart from the title of that particular one, i liked all of em
 
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Oh God no, not Clay Aiken!! :lol:

Thanks, though!!
 
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Way to go! they all seem Awsome! :P


I'll be dizzy from growing wings.
 
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